Walk in the shadows, shelter the light
by solaas
Summary: Sakura in introspect


It is a crisp and pleasant morning in the world outside, but in Mugenjou life goes on as ever. Few people here lift their eyes to the sky, and when they do, their feelings will vary depending on age. Young children can see the occasional glimpse of sky and dream of brightness, but they soon learn to fear what lurks in the glass and concrete eyries high above Lower Town.

Those born of Mugenjou know little of the outside and that is perhaps for the best, Sakura muses as she watches them on the multitude of screens in Makubex's control room. She herself knows of life on the outside, remembering green forests and lush gardens and soft hands and kind voices and innocent joy and strict but loving training. These memories are her treasures and her burden; she guards them carefully and carries them in silence.

There are others who carry the same treasures, of course. Sakura's little brother Juubei and his master Kazuki, heir of the Fuuchoin clan, grew up together bound by generations of tradition and a deep friendship. The male heir to the Kakei clan will invariably become the personal physician for the male heir of the Fuuchoin clan. Her bother and his master were brought together when they were old enough, and she has quietly watched them grow ever since that day. Sakura is heir only to the Kakei Cloth Technique, and in her future awaited life as wife, mother and teacher.

As any good daughter and student would, she had diligently prepared herself; but it all fell apart when her childhood paradise was razed and burnt to the ground, its inhabitants murdered along with it. Only Sakura, Juubei and Kazuki managed to escape; three adolescents whose world became ruin just as the youngest boy's voice changed.

Sakura wasn't with the boys as they fled, but found them at the edge of the forest the next morning. They lay curled up in each other's arms, shivering in chill and shock, so she wrapped them in her cloth for warmth and comfort and later went with them to Tokyo -- to Mugenjou. Master Kazuki's mother had bid him flee there, Juubei had sworn to never leave his master's side and Sakura had nowhere else to go.

Sakura cherishes these memories, for they are hers, even as she is burdened by them. At the tender age of fifteen she had to become a mother, and she had to do so without the others realizing it. Sakura had to be so discreet and withdrawn in her guidance that the boys never noticed it was there. She melded herself into the background noise, quietly observing and working to keep them all with whole clothes and proper meals. During cold nights she shared her warmth with them, and wrapped nightmares up in soft, fragrant cloth to keep them quiet; an invisible, watchful presence.

A disturbance on one of the screens bring her back to the present, and she leans forward to study it. It turns out to be dogs squabbling over a feast of discarded food from one of the stalls in the market. They are soon chased away by the stall owner, and fragile, brittle calm once again descends over Lower Town.

Mugenjou. It is her home now, and as such she is obliged to keep house to the best of her abilities. The future she once had is dead and buried, but her schooling remains -- _Sakura_ remains, and she will always live up to the standards of the Kakei women. Anything else is simply unthinkable. She doesn't mind this, because things are as they are and she performs her tasks and duties to the fullest under any and all conditions. It is perhaps the most important lesson of the Kakei Cloth Technique: Be soft, be pliable, be warm and you will survive through the harshest of times, carrying your charges with you.

Because Kakei women have charges. Kakei women are protectors and teachers, and so Kakei women must persevere. Their lives are never entirely their own, and with this knowledge comes a deep sense of belonging that roots Sakura firmly in the present with her eyes on the future.

The present isn't much different from the past, truth be told. Sakura's charge is Makubex now, but there are still nightmares to silence and chills to banish. It is the privilege of a mother and a guardian to do these things. Other privileges belong with other roles, and Sakura doesn't yet know if there will ever be any other role linking her to Makubex. In her heart of hearts she would like to be his wife some day, but she wonders if it is prudent, or even possible. Makubex is still more boy than man, and there is the issue of his unique existence as well. Sakura wishes to bear his children, but can she? Can _he_? Many impossible things are possible within the confines of Mugenjou, but...

Sakura tells herself the same mantra she has repeated time and time again: It is wishful thinking and that's all it will ever be. Makubex is and will always be out of reach. He is somewhere up there, and she is down here and any joining of the two is impossible.

But oh, she wants to be a wife some day, and a proper mother. She wants to be able to guide a young life without having to do it from the shadows. She wants to raise sons and daughters, and she wants them to learn the philosophies, teachings and Techniques of the Kakei clan. The duty of furthering the Kakei blood-line lies on her brother, not on her, but there are only the two of them left. This fact brings with it a heavy responsibility, one she is not entirely certain that her brother has fully understood yet.

They are still young, but this matter cannot wait more than another year or two at the most. Sakura is in her prime childbearing years, and while Juubei is a man and as such has a much longer reproductive life ahead of him, he leads a violent life as one of Makubex's king guardians of Mugenjou.

Sakura stirs and reaches for the keyboard. She will speak with Juubei on this matter soon, within the month. Perhaps she should speak with Master Kazuki as well, as delicate a task as that will be. It is presumtuous to even consider it, but Sakura has been watching over the two for so long that she allows herself this transgression of thought. Who is there to remind them of the tangible, earthly parts of their duties if not her? Their mothers and fathers are long dead, and so it falls on Sakura as mother-sister and elder and woman and _Kakei_ to wrap their responsibilities in protective cloth and carry them forth.

In solitude.

* * *


End file.
